Harold: Mother Earth's Dirty Sanchez

I was in sixth grade and a new kid just transferred over. His name was Ziggy, no really; I’m not even changing his name because it’s just too good. Ziggy road around in a wheelchair due to his paralysis from the waist down and was also vertically challenged. That may have also been because about a quarter of his body was horizontal most of the time though. We met four years before at a bonfire three houses down where his half sister lived, who was not a lovely person. But he didn’t remember me at all. I don’t blame him though, Danny Bonaduce can’t even remember being a teenager because of all of the drugs he took. Maybe Ziggy was a second grader with an expert’s knowledge of how to use a bong.
The second he first road in Harold jumped at him. Harold was, in as few words as possible, a self-centered, conceded, jackass who stood at the height of a five-year-old girl. Not a tall girl mind you,
The thing about Harold was hat he would do anything to bring me down. Of course, I don't mean that literally because as a school wrestler who totally liked girls and once volunteered to be a bouncer, saw such sodomy as just sick. I don’t know why he hated me so much but I think it had to do with my average height and the one joke I made in fifth grade about his dwarfism.
Harold once lost a new kid as a friend to me. I’ll call that person Hector, who is now no longer my friend and often makes overly sexual jokes. One of those “jokes” was "crotch cookies." I’m not going to explain that. Harold wasn’t going to let Ziggy be another Hector. Naturally, he told some ridiculous lie with numerous holes so Ziggy would hate me.
What he told Ziggy was that I hated short people. It was almost as pathetic of a lie as the time a girl name Beth told people I ate tree bark. Plus, it ignored two of my best friends’ shortness. We tried to explain that to him but, naturally, he didn’t put that together and kept on believing Harold. Jeez, short people can just be so stupid, can’t they?
Ziggy went on thinking I was stubby enemy no. 1 until he became my friend Eve’s semi-stalker. But he wasn’t just a semi-stalker because he was short, he could have been a full on stalker if he applied himself more. Through her, we became friends but he left halfway through the year. So I basically put in all that work for nothing. For that, he was a true ass face, but that was also because his face was at ass level.